Collection of The Best Dad Jokes

posted by Jimmy Nguyen -

What do you call a woman standing in the middle of a tennis court? Annette. 

Where do spaghetti and sauce go to dance? The Meat Ball.

What type of pasta cheats to win an award for its Broadway musical? A rigatoni. 

What happens when you have a bladder infection? Urine trouble.

How do you keep an idiot in suspense? (still waiting)

How does the moon give the sun a hair cut? Eclipse it.

What does the forest put in its house? Fir-nature.

Why did the silverware move out? It got fork-closed.

What did Spock find in the toilet? The captain's log.

What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot.

A local bakery just burned down. That business is now toast.

What do we want? Low flying planes! When do we want it? Noooooooooooooooooowwwwwwww!

What did the sun say after the eclipse? Pleased to "heat" you again.

Why aren't Koalas bears? They didn't meet the koala-fications. 

What do you call a one-horned animal that always complains? A whine-ocerous.

Did you hear about the boy who lost his left arm to a shark? He's all right now.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

What do you call two guys hanging around a window? Curt and Rod.

What do you call a woman who sets her electricity bill on fire? Bernadette.

What size of coffee does a psychic order? Medium.

What do you call sleeping siblings? Napkin.

I recently considered a career crushing cans for a living, but decided against it. That would be Soda-pressing.

Why are so many of the designs at fashion shows silly and impractical? It's avant-garb.

Why did the fish have a bad report card? Because all of his grades were under "C".

What does one icicle say to the other icicle before leaving? Bye-cicle.

What's the best side of the house to put the porch on? The outside.

What's a trees favorite drink? Root beer.

Why did the foot smile? He was toe happy.

What do you call a grizzly with no shoes? Bear foot.

Why do owls always get invited to bird parties? Because they're such a hoot.

What did the volcano say to his girlfriend? I lava you.

What did Mr. and Mrs. Hamburger name their daughter? Patty.

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